Amusing (but true) Stories
I am a huge proponent of reading,
specifically great books. It has changed my life. Listen, I have a
year of junior college under my belt, a solid year mind you,
wherein I had a 3.0 …blood alcohol level. (Actually, I did in
fact make the Dean's list with a 3.6 GPA.)
In my reading, which averages two to
three books a week, I gather stories. I capture them in my journal.
I am fond of a specific storytelling model. The stories fall into
two categories of narration, first and third person. The following
third-person stories come from my reading.
We get paid for our experience as
well as our time. The 74-year-old plumber was called to fix a
problem no one else could solve. The building manager had a heating
system that was installed just after Columbus landed.
The Town Hall meeting room was so
noisy because of the ancient pipes no one could hear the speakers.
This guy was so supposed to be the best. Suffering from arthritis,
he hobbled in looking a bit like Columbo and as old as Columbus.
The building manager had some doubts about his ability based on the
first impression. With no hesitation, the veteran plumber painfully
eased his way toward a joint in the pipes on the wall. He took out
a big hammer hanging from the loop in his coveralls and sharply hit
the pipe at the joint. Instantly, the clanging and knocking noises
ceased. He submitted his bill - $250. The building manager hit the
roof!
"You only spent five minutes on the
job!" he said. The wise old plumber replied, "Yes, and my bill is
$250 - $10 for the five minutes when I hit the pipe with my hammer
and $240 for the 50 years of learning when and where to hit the
pipe!"
Everyone is in sales. Each of us
sells 24/7/365. Perhaps the best example of this principle is Irene
Buckley. She began selling life insurance in the 1930s. She was a
pioneer. At age 95, she accidentally broke her arm. While she was
visiting the doctor, she sold him a $50,000 insurance policy!
"New York City Mayor Ed Koch was
hospitalized following a heart attack. As with most NYC mayors, Ed
was famous. He tended to be a bit more high profile than his
predecessors and ran in some pretty influential circles. He had
many famous friends. One such friend was Mother Teresa. Touched
that she made the time to visit him in the hospital, he offered her
some of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
"No thank you," she replied.
"Seeing the puzzled look on Mayor
Koch's face, she explained: "You see, in India, people offer you
food just to be kind. However, if you take it, it may mean THEY
will starve to death!"
Mayor Koch smiled and said: "Well,
there is no fear of that here. I could stand to lose a few
pounds!"
Mother Teresa nodded and
smiled.
"But these cookies are the finest
chocolate chip cookies in the world, you HAVE to try them!" he
said.
After a long silence, she simply
said, "Wrap 'em up."
After Linus Pauling won the Nobel
Prize, he was asked how he re-challenges himself. He replied, "You
change fields."
Willie Sutton 1901-1980 This famous
Bank Robber was born in 1901 in Brooklyn, N.Y. He robbed more than
100 banks in his lifetime. He was a con man, escape artist and
reportedly stole more than $2 million before 1952. Famous for
dressing up as an armored truck driver and having the banks just
hand him the money, he almost never used a gun! Asked near the end
of his life why he robbed banks, he simply said, "That's where the
most money is!"
Michael Farraday invented the first
electric motor. He knew in order to profit from his hard work, he
would need to market it to the highest profile people he could
find. After some time, he was able to secure an appointment with
the prime minister of England, the distinguished and influential
William Gladstone. A single endorsement from him could make
Farraday rich. After demonstrating the crude model, which was
little more than a little wire revolving around a magnet, it was
clear Gladstone was not interested.
""What good is it?" Gladstone
asked.
Farraday paused for a moment and
said, "Someday you will be able to tax it!"
Mark Twain once told of the time he
listened to a missionary give a sermon. Twain was so impressed with
the passion, the argument and cause he decided to contribute $5
when the plate came around. In the late 1800s that was a
significant sum. Instead of stopping at the high point and passing
the plate, the missionary kept talking and talking and talking.
When he finally quit, Twain was so annoyed that instead of making a
donation, he took out a dime!
Henry Ford was a pioneer. He didn't
begin his amazing ascent as the father of the assembly line and
mass-producing affordable automobiles until he was 45 years of age.
He was known as a loyal, hard-working man and brutally honest. When
a childhood friend asked him at the height of his success why he
had never bought any life insurance from him, Ford leaned forward
and barked, "You never asked me!"
I need to send this to the Dean of my
old college. I wonder if he still around?
Mark Matteson of the Pinnacle Service Group can be reached by phone at 877/672-2001, by fax at 425/745-8981, by e-mail at psgmarkm@msn.com or visit his Website at www.mattesonavenue.com.
"It is unwise to do unto others as you would
have them do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same."
George Bernard Shaw
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